Yesterday - I chose to face the music, and eventually, I chose to dance. I wanted to buy some new jeans that would fit my (currently) larger frame. The black leggings in which I have living (hiding) needed to be given a break. I had some larger size jeans tucked away in the guest room closet on the off chance that I might gain a few pounds back (which goes to show you that if you want to take the island, burn the boats). However, those jeans represented all I left behind, and although convenient and free, it made my skin crawl to even think about putting those frumpy things back on. So, off I went, knowing full well that the size of the jeans I would purchase would be disheartening, upsetting, and downright disgusting. Time to face the music...
Two years ago, when I had lost the majority of my weight, I needed new jeans. Up till that point, I had favored Ralph Lauren jeans - safe, high waisted, stretchy, and what the kids today describe as "Mom" jeans. I kept buying them in small sizes because they were a sure thing, boring and less than stylish, but sure. I didn't have the confidence at that point to go out on any limb and show off my new form in anything less than jeans that seemed to sit somewhere near my chin.
One day, a friend told me about Lucky jeans. He extolled their virtues, and said that my new body deserved some new jeans. On his advice, I set out on a pilgrimage to the store, and I can clearly recall my first visit. I circled outside for some time thinking I did not belong anywhere near this hip and trendy establishment. Where were the over sized people pants? Mustering my courage, I walked in and an hour later walked out a delighted customer - wearing a very small size jean that hugged every new curve in all the right new places. These new jeans sat right on my hips, miles below where my old mom jeans sat, and much to my surprise, the dozen muffins top I once had was gone, and those jeans were a testimony to fat's labor lost. To say I loved them is an understatement. And the sizes? Well, they were is a wonderfully small size that I never thought I could wear, and I was truly proud of my accomplishments each and every time I slipped them over my hips.
So yesterday - I arrived at the mall, and headed to the "safe" jeans. I had a renewed feeling of irritation at myself for having to shop for larger sizes, and that lead to a feeling that I didn't deserve nice jeans. I wandered around looking at various styles, trying to talk myself into one boring thing after the other, and then it struck me. I am dumping my frump slump! No matter what size, fabulous is what it is all about. Anything less than that is completely unacceptable! Out one door I walked, and I knew exactly where I had to go.
Walking in the door, I had a moment of doubt and fear. What size would I be? Would they laugh at an older lady trying to squeeze into their styles? Was I too large to deserve such hip clothing? Blah blah blah...enough. Deep breath - "time to face the music". I walked up to a young man and introduced myself. He shook my hand and told me his name was Brandon. I stated my purpose, and told him no matter what, I wanted to look great and feel even better. With that, the quest began. Midway through trying on the first style, it happened.
"There may be teardrops to shed..." Oh and there were. I sat in that dressing room and shed more than a few teardrops. I have to meltdown to re-form and grow stronger. Brandon was so helpful - and quickly came to my aid with darker wash jeans, a suede jacket and truthful words of what looked good and what didn't. 45 minutes later, I left the Lucky Store feeling more fabulous than I have in months. Why? Because, now I know, and even though I am not where I will be soon, I deserve to be fabulous right here and right now. I dumped some of my frump slump and it felt awesome!
I faced a major hurdle yesterday. I know where I stand. I am no longer hiding, or telling myself any lies about my current state. I faced the music. Have you faced yours yet? If not, I highly recommend doing it. It is the truth that will set you free to dump your frump slump.
Now - let's dance!